My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
