She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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