Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
