Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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