I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
