I am spending my child support on dildos
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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