You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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