where am i from again
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
