next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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