Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
