Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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