'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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