I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize