oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
