i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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