i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
