I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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