Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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