alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
