You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
