I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
