im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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