I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
