Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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