yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
