WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
