A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let's paint friendship bongs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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