Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize