Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
