So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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