i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
