im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
