Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
