Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
