you guys were way drunker than both of me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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