I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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