So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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