He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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