so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
