I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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