Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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