He disabled his match.com account in front of me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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