I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
