I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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