I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
