im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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