My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
