Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
