so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
