I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
