dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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