when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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