i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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