just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
