She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
