im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
