I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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