i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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