Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
