I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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