Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I had to cum in my sink.
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