I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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