I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize