An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize