well you can't waste a boner
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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