We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
