Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I sprained my soul last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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