True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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