i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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