so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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