so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
